Embrace the Detours

Sometimes the paths we never would have willingly chosen for ourselves lead us to the most powerful gifts life has to offer.  It's too easy to give into the worry, too challenging to recognise that there really *can* be a bright side...

But still, for anyone who has been forced to tread a harder road than they envisioned themselves on, the rewards (perhaps only in hindsight?) can't be denied.

It's Autism Awareness month and I have a child on that "Spectrum" of disorders.  I've spent countless hours thinking about him, worrying about him, fighting for him... wondering what the future holds.  I was reading back over things I wrote in years past - instantly going back to what I was feeling at the time... and it was interesting to me how little has changed in the intervening years.

One post I particularly loved (that I shared and posted on a previous incarnation of my blog) is something I thought I should share again... for myself, but also for any other parents just starting their journey down the path fate has laid before them:

Welcome to Holland

By Emily Perl Kingsley

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this.... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland"

"Holland!?!" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland"

This, oh so perfect, analogy just speaks to me.  My youngest boy, while often making me feel like I’m stumbling around in the dark with this parenting thing, is the sweetest, loveliest child.  He’s beautiful and innocent and charms every person he touches.  I love having the honour of being his mom.

Embrace the detours.